Showing posts with label fetishization. Show all posts

In Defense of "Slutty" Hijabis

By | Published Tuesday, January 12, 2016

A couple of months ago, I shared an article on my Facebook page about ‘Hijabi Hipsters’; a new generation of hijabis who fuse fashion with faith by wearing stylish hijab-friendly outfits.

"Wow, that sounds like you!" One of my friends noted. Most of the other people in the thread seemed to agree with him. His comment made me smile. Although I wouldn’t consider myself a hijabster, I was glad my friends thought I was stylish.

A photo of me at the Bahrain International Airport 

Then, it happened.

The negative comments started pouring in.

"Umm…isn’t the point of a hijab to be modest and not attract attention to yourself?" My male atheist friend remarked.

"Yea, I have met girls who wear a hijab with tight jeans and it just doesn’t make sense. How is that even modest?" My female non-religious Hindu friend chimed in.

"You can’t wear that with a hijab. It still attracts boys. She is beautifying her face." My male Muslim friend offered.

Soon the entire thread took a dramatic turn and went from praising hijabis for being modest yet stylish to bashing “hoe-jabis” for making a mockery off an important religious symbol by wearing “slutty” clothes in the name of modesty.

& throughout this entire encounter, I sat next to my computer screen, a cup of hot Kashmiri chai in my hand, wondering when I will finally get a chance to live without having to justify my attire to every single person I interact with on a daily basis.


Hijabis often get judged for wearing "immodest" clothes

I am writing this in defense of every single girl who has gotten told her clothes are not “hijab-friendly”. This is for every single person who thinks (s)he has the right to tell hijabis what they can and can’t wear.

I became what Muslim women call a “permanent hijabi” at age 18. Before that, I had a rocky relationship with the garment I chose to wear at age 10 to school only. I was the first female in my family to start wearing it. I had no guidance whatsoever. No one told me I couldn’t wear short sleeves with a hijab, for example, so I proceeded to do just that until I got called out for it at age 14.

Since I lived alone and didn’t interact with Muslims (especially hijabis) on a daily basis, I wore all kinds of “inappropriate” clothes with my hijab: short skirts, short sleeved shirts, tight skin-hugging pants, etc.

It wasn’t until I started living with my aunt (who started wearing a hijab by then) that I finally realized the hijab was more than just a cloth you wear on your head. It was an entire lifestyle that you couldn’t just put on and off as you pleased.

Here’s what I wish people understood about “hoe-jabis”:
  • Most of them are confused. They most likely don’t live with or around other hijabis so they have no idea what really counts as “modest” since different people have different perceptions of modesty. 
  • They might be experiencing a change of heart. Often times, hijabi girls stop covering their hair for a multitude of reasons. Usually the transition starts with them wearing more “inappropriate” clothes. Once you start wearing the hijab, it’s hard to take it off. It literally makes you feel like you’re walking around naked. That’s why many hijabis use that as a stepping stone so when they are ready to finally take it off, they feel more comfortable doing it.
  • They might be wearing a hijab for reasons other than modesty. It is not uncommon at all to meet a Muslim girl who wears a hijab to make a political statement. I’ve also met cancer patients who wear headscarves once they start losing their hair due to chemotherapy.
  • They are tired of being judged. Think about how hard it is to be a hijabi. Islamophobes are more likely to attack them than any other group of Muslims. White feminists keep telling them that they’re oppressing themselves by choosing to dress a certain way. People of other religious groups judge them on their “fake” modesty. Perverts fetishize them. Misogynistic Muslims try to police their behavior and choice of attire while other hijabis judge them on their style.
  • They are humans too and are thus not exempt from making mistakes. Hijab-malfunctions exist. Sometimes the way someone steps out of their house is not the way they end up looking halfway through the day.
If you are a hijabi who is really interested in helping another out, guide her towards fashion bloggers like Amenakin, saimasmileslike and nabiilabee who manage to wear 100% Sharia-approved clothes and still look fashionable…or towards actual Muslim sources written by scholars explaining what a hijab is and what the rules are for wearing one.
Wearing a hijab does not limit a person's ability to express themself.

If you yourself are not a hijabi, please take a seat.

Hijabis do not exist for you to mock, criticize or fetishize. We are not “forbidden fruit” or hypersexual oriental beauties who are ladies on the street but freaks between the sheets. We aren’t repressed creatures who need orientalist men to come and “save” us by sexually exploiting us.

Judging women for dressing "immodestly" is a form of patriarchal oppression, even when aimed at women who choose to cover their hair. Remember this the next time you try to tell a woman what she should or should not wear.

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Your Racial Fetish is not a Compliment

By | Published Sunday, January 3, 2016


I read “The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf last week & this passage pretty much sums up the premise of the book:

The books and films they see survey from the young boy’s point of view his first touch of a girl’s thighs, his first glimpse of her breasts. The girls sit listening, absorbing, their familiar breasts estranged as if they were not part of their bodies, their thighs crossed self-consciously, learning how to leave their bodies and watch them from the outside. Since their bodies are seen from the point of view of strangeness and desire, it is no wonder that what should be familiar, felt to be whole, become estranged and divided into parts. What little girls learn is not the desire for the other, but the desire to be desired. Girls learn to watch their sex along with the boys; that takes up the space that should be devoted to finding out about what they are wanting, and reading and writing about it, seeking it and getting it. Sex is held hostage by beauty and its ransom terms are engraved in girls’ minds early and deeply with instruments more beautiful that those which advertisers or pornographers know how to use: literature, poetry, painting, and film. (Naomi Wolf, “The Beauty Myth”) 
Men are taught to desire whereas women are taught to be desired.

 That’s the difference between male & female sexuality in our patriarchal society in a nutshell.

While white women are objectified as well, it hurts women of color more.

At least, when you type “pretty white girls” in Google, you get faces. Faces of people; living breathing creatures with dreams, goals, & desires. Faces of people exhibiting emotions we all feel. Faces of people who might even have the same interests as us.

Now contrast that with what comes up when you type “pretty Brazilian girls” in Google. Pictures of women where the main focus isn’t on the girl’s face, but rather a specific part of her body: a toned, flat stomach, mountainous bosoms, or a perfectly round derriere. Some pictures don’t even have the girls’ faces in them. They are just photographs of perfectly shaped bums…& who do these enviable rear ends belong to?

We will never know.

You see, at least white girls are treated as human beings. They aren’t sexualized unless if they want to be sexualized. As a WOC, you simply don’t have this luxury. You’re either a sexy & kinky Latina, a shy and submissive Asian girl, a voluptuous and bold black woman, or a “forbidden fruit” in the form of a Muslimah. You’re not a woman. You’re an exciting mission. Your body exists solely for the White Man to conquer.

Where do we fit in this picture? Where are our dreams, goals, & desires? Our emotions? Our interests?
Fetishization harms women of color by reducing them to racist stereotypes. 

Women of color are groomed from a very young age to accept their role as hypersexualized beings in the society. How can one not notice the absence of women of color in the media who aren’t sexy? How can one not notice the fact that almost all the “natural” & “body positive” movements that have become recently popular exclude us? Worse yet, we never, ever see a WOC actually desiring someone…unless if she’s playing the role of a promiscuous woman. Where are all the sex positive movements telling us that it is ok for us to want someone?

As a WOC, why must my existence be a predicament? When you aren’t fetishizing me, you are hating my existence. You are getting offended by my features, as if my thick curly hair is a pit of snakes hissing and threatening to swallow you whole. As if my big nose is a hawk waiting to dig in your flesh. As if my dark skin is toxic & touching it will infect with Ebola, MERS-CoV or whatever the disease du jour affecting only people of color is.

This is why I don’t take being fetishized as a compliment. It’s just another way for white people to exert their superiority over me…to “conquer” me…to let me know that I was picked the way people pick animals at a local pet store...based on my breed, my color, how easy it is to "tame" my, & how domestic I am. It's not flattering.

It’s a slap on the face.

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